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Archive for January, 2014

So there I was, uncomfortably cramped in the seat of an overcrowded Greyhound when a coffee, spilled in the compartment above, trickled down through the light fixture and onto my head as the bus pulled out for the five hour drive. A few days later, the retainer wire behind my teeth snapped off in the middle of the Hobbit, maliciously stabbing my tongue each time I endeavored to eat the overpriced popcorn I refused to let go to waste. And, to top it off, the back of my dress ripped up the butt seam on my way to work as I dodged the slushy wake of a passing car, so that I had to sit gingerly at my desk for the rest of the day trying to avoid pinpricks from the safety pins holding the whole mess together. All of these things had an ill foreboding; writers can always sense dreadfully ill-plotted foreshadowing, even in their own lives.

I’m surprised I even got up in the morning considering how convinced I was that some disembodied voice might tell me my wristwatch had it in for me. I just know I’ll get my skirt caught on some protruding sharp corner on my way to my orthodontist and I’ll knock the cup of coffee from someone’s hands as I try to steady myself in a hectic twirl, the threads of my skirt unraveling around me while I hop on one foot to avoid the wave of people stepping on and off the bus, only to finally find my feet as it begins to pull away and, stepping forward to get the driver’s attention, slip on the spilt coffee and hit my head on the curb, my watch ticking on with smug contempt. And on top of it all: my teeth are so crookedly misshapen that my family can’t bear to have anything but a closed-casket service. Hey, it could happen.

Stranger Than Fiction

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