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Posts Tagged ‘Dreams’

Reset

Haven’t written much of late. Prompt was to write a poem using the verse structure of a song you’ve been listening to.

***

No empathy,

It’s pretty clear that you don’t care for me.

You think you’re doing right, but it’s no use.

Don’t really know why you can’t tell the truth.

 

Delusional,

I never thought that I would lose it all.

A little faith ain’t hurt nobody right?

So far ahead, my reach is out of sight.

 

It’s ignorance,

Another word that’s made at my expense.

But there is willingness in every doubt.

I’ve given up before I’m even out.

 

I have no dreams,

Cause I’m a pessimist, or so it seems.

A smoke at night and I be forgettin’.

Just what it’s like to hit the reset button.

reset-button

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The trouble with dreamcatchers is that they filter out nightmares, leaving you to create your own.

image by gretchen-lynne on deviantart

Recently I’ve been noticing that I’m away from my keyboard far more than I should be, but it’s not necessarily because of my busy schedule. I’ve broken my writing regiment due to stunted self-expression and a lack of focus that has crept up on me as the summer dwindles down. I was thinking about why I started this blog, remembering that it wasn’t only to better myself as I writer but also to better understand myself as I writer. Every now and then I need to step back and acknowledge what progress, if any, I’ve managed to make.

That means the progress I’ve made with my novel, the countless discoveries about my writing habits and style, and coming to terms, if only a little, with my own capabilities and shortcomings. That also means being able to hear what I’m unconsciously telling myself when I simply turn away from my writing desk. My mind is fickle, my attention easily distracted, but I think it’s the realization that the more headway I make towards achieving my goals, the more real the ideas of success and failure become. Failure in small things, in the trivial matters of daily life, is ultimately nothing and can easily be shrugged off, left in the streets to be swept away with the dust. But true failure lies in the promises you’ve made deep within yourself, the ones you can never let go of, the ones that never let go of you.

These dreams are hard to come by, they masquerade as fleeting aspirations; a desire you don’t want to recognize, fearing that it might turn to smoke and slip through your fingers the minute you utter its name. A true dream is the source of your greatest happiness, but also of your greatest anxieties. You make yourself believe you’d rather live your life clinging to an unchanging ideal you may never achieve, rather than lose it to the kind of failure that reaches down inside and shatters everything you believe you are, everything you want to be. What greater risk is there than risking your own self-worth? I’d imagine being disappointed in yourself in that way wouldn’t be easy, or desirable. So how to you risk everything without risking anything at all? How do you follow your dreams without fearing you won’t live up to them?

Beats me.

I guess it’s not a question of living without fear, but finding a way to live with it.

image by freaKygilr1 on deviantart

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